Things I have learnt about people (mostly from arguing with my father <3 )

  • You don't change a person's mind by labelling or judging them as wrong (and boy is my Dad wrong sometimes!)
  • Being morally righteous (even if you are right, which I usually am ;-) ) will leave you alone in the corner, talking to yourself
  • The most important thing is your relationship. Your relationship is much much MUCH more important than facts. Without a solid relationship, facts become irrelevant. Or worse, they become weapons used to hurt and deny. 
  • The only way to heal a relationship is to let go of your need to control or convince the other person. They will never do what you want. The more you try, the more you are disrespecting them as a person, and the worse your relationship will get. 
  • Righteousness always feels good at the time, but it makes everything worse in the long run. 
  • The only way forward *together* is by taking a step towards the other person. Sometimes this feels like a step back, but it is not. It is a step together.
  • We don't get to choose our family or our country(wo)men. We only get to choose how we relate to them.

Heal the relationship first. Do the work of bridging the divide. Only THEN can we start to work towards the ideals we all hold so dear ... as far as I can see, this is the only way forward. To let ourselves feel hate and fear, yes, but then to learn to set it aside and realize that on the strength of our human relationships with each other, we can move forward together ... 

Also: Omg, Trump is president. What the fuck? 

 

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